He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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