the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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