i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
