u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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