Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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