he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
