My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
