I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
