I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
