It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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