We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
