If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
