I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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