But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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