He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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