I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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