Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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