I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
