Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
