I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
