what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
