I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
