New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
