Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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