I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
