So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
