I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
