Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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