Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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