Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
