Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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