Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
