Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
