I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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