: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
