I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
