I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
