Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
