Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
