The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My ATM looks so different sober.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
