i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
