If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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