How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
