I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
