The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
