Where did you get a picture of my penis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
well, you know. whores of a feather.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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