Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
