Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
