her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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