wat bout pragnant strippers??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
