I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
