thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
