We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
