It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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