Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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